A little over nine months ago I hit a wall when it came to writing.
Now, I’ve hit these creative walls before. They usually last only a few weeks but this one took my breath, my heart, and my willingness to fight through it until I reached the other side.
I don’t know what caused it or why I felt like I was drowning with each letter I typed. The only thing that I know is that I continued to write. I just had no urge to put anything out.
Not a tweet, not a short story, not a blog post… nothing.
Things felt like I was swimming in quicksand. The more I wrote the heavier I felt. Each new story I developed created more weight around my neck that kept pulling me towards the bottom. I felt it in my lungs. The sound of the fingers on the keyboard reverberated through my body as if they were a blast from cannon. I started finding new excuses to miss new writing opportunities and the one that I had I almost tanked because I let my ego get in the way of the notes I was given.
It was at the darkest point that I understood what was standing in my way.
For the past few years I had fought off those demons that kept telling me that I didn’t deserve what I was getting. In all honesty, writing erotica started off almost as a fluke. The fact that I got published so close to when I started submitting fed that evil monster to the point that I felt I could do no wrong.
Then the bottom fell out as the rejection letters started flowing in and I realized that my writing had moved so far away from what I wanted to do that I had to stop, regroup, and think of this as the business it needs to be for me.
When I started, I had no plan. I was just writing to write and didn’t think too much about the Kendel Davi brand until it was too late. I kept writing in different styles to see what would stick and in doing that I forgot what I liked writing about.
So, I stopped writing and started reading more. I started searching for writers that I liked and reading their earlier works when I could get a hold of them. In my free time I scanned the web devouring every writing tip I could find to see what might help. Things started to fall back into place with a new understanding for me. That passion I had for pushing out stories came back with a vengeance. Soon, I had a few novels, short story collections, and outlines for several more works that I’ve been chipping away at for months. I had that feeling that I had when I first started and then realized that I had created enough work to where I could map out a new plan, which is a lot better than working with no plan at all like I had been doing before.
This is the first step to getting Kendel Davi back to where Kendel Davi needs to be.
It might have taken a great deal of time to get here but going through that writing darkness was worth the wait for me.
So, here’s to new beginnings and keep your eyes open because the next few months will be filled with the fruits of my journey through the abyss as I continue to grow the best way I know how.
By writing through it.